Tuesday, November 17, 2009

First Blog!

For the last few months my life has been a downward spiral and my boyfriend recommended writing in a journal I don't know what he thinks it will accomplish but I'm game for anything. I suppose I will "blog" about what's on my mind, what's pissing me off- stuff that I usually just keep bottled up and eventually freak out about and stomp my feet and throw a temper tantrum, and current issues that I'm facing...which there are a lot of!

Now where to begin, yesterday was Steve and my 8 month anniversary I stayed up until 9am waiting for him to say "Happy Anniversary" then I went to sleep hoping he would show up after school and spend some time with me, it didn't happen he didn't call me until 8pm and he didn't mention a word about it, it was a five minute call about his day I was heartbroken haha. I waited and waited all night hoping he'd surprise me and show up or fucking just say it!! Neither happened and I ended up very bitter and didn't want to talk to him when he called me back at the end of the night. Yeah that's right I was playing Tetris cause I was mad at you, I play Tetris when I'm mad at you and every time you call or text me and kill me it makes me more made, the higher in levels and lines I get the less I forget that I'm mad so ahhh!! I was told to find a way to deal with my anger and Tetris is what I use.
My relationship with Steve isn't what it used to be, I've changed for the worse and he wants me to fix myself or we're over, I just need to find myself before it's too late I guess.

I haven't worked since the end of May really I've worked maybe ten days in total at a few jobs, I've applied EVERYWHERE but nowhere wants me Steve even made me a kick ass new resume but no luck yet really. I've spent all but 700$ in my 25,000$ trust fund in exactly a year and that 700$ will be used at the end of the month to pay my rent. I've been fucking myself over borrowing people money and waiting years to get it back, I'd have 1750$ if people started paying me back instead of buying new cars, rock stars, smokes, junk they don't need or whatever the fuck they've been spending my money on. Sooner or later I'm going to explode and demand my money all of it at once or it'll be "hello small claims court hello money goodbye fucking moochers"
Another thing that pisses me off is businesses that don't pay you for the work you do, I have 3 businesses that owe me for simply one days worth of work and none of them have sent me my pay check or returned my phone calls in months! You're supposed to pay out final pay within 10 days of the last shift! Man to the labor board it is I guess. If anyone knows somewhere hiring lemme know!!

Alright so I've ranted about my love life or lack there of and my joblessness, what else pisses me off?

Ugh, my friends, my very few friends they drive me insane some days I just don't get them and I'm sure they don't get me either. I've actually cut off contact with most people I used to associate with because something about them either brought me down, or I just didn't want their drama/weirdness/ugh in my life. Friends are supposed to make you feel wanted, alive, comfortable, not used, disgusted, and unwanted.
Out of all my friends in my 22 years I think only one friend has always been there for me in one way or another, and that would be Nina sure we don't talk or see each other everyday but I know if I'm having a party, a bad day, a good day or just whatever she'll be there no matter what and she spoils me :)
I hate those "friends" that don't talk to you for months, years, forever and randomly just text you or call you asking to hang but only with a hidden agenda or cause they've got nothing better to do cause their bf moved away or their gf dumped them cause they cheated on her.
OK like really this past weekend EX BF #3 texts me outta nowhere after 2 years of not talking to me once and tries to make small talk and Steve and me are like wtf? In the texts he's all talking about being so miserable and wanting me to kill him and what not and finally I asked why trying to be polite and found out he cheated on his gf. I tried to be nice for a moment and then I exploded, I asked why he would ask his ex gf to kill him for cheating on his current girl, why in the hell would i help him end his suffering? Who was there to help me kill him when he broke my heart? If I were going to kill him for any reason it would be because he hurt me not to help him out when he fucked himself over. Like fuck if you want your gf back don't sit around moping texting your ex gfs! So he threw his little "I just wanted to talk to someone but fuck everyone I'm not gonna talk to anyone again fit" and I simply said "I went the past two years without talking to you so nothing really has changed" and that was that he just made me hate him more than I did 2 years ago, he's pathetic so pathetic and now I have the best bf :P SUCKER!
All my friends need to either drink or get high to have a good time and lately it's just been super annoying because they drink WAY TOO MUCH!! I like staying in and drinking with Steve or having people come over and they can crash in the living room if they get too wasted. It seriously annoys me so much cause they just act so dumb and make scenes or do things I know they'll later regret and guess what! This weekend, don't you regret it? Humiliate yourself much? Flirt with everyone much? And the drugs. Stop it! Now! Fucking think of what happened to Andi next time you decide it'll be fun to pop some pills to get a rush or whatever happens when you act like a moron!


I am not a pushover. I'm not your baby-sitter. I'm not your last resort, we're not tight awesome friends, and I don't want to hear about how you're sleeping with so and so and so and so while sleeping with so and so. It's pathetic and I don't want to know.

Ugh I pierced my ears tonight. Why? Why did I do this to myself haha oh my poor ears!

Well it's 4am I think I've said enough for now.

Feel Better Treasure!!

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